The solution? Muskets.

The constitution says we should all be able to own arms. Lots and lots of people don’t want to change that. Now that we have semi-automatics, and automatics, and handguns, and modern hunting gear (The deer population! We can’t let the deer population get out of control! Newsflash: School shootings are out of control), some people feel that changing the constitutional right to bear arms will threaten their freedom.

Okay then.

I’ll refrain from the strong urge to launch into a tirade about how the issue is so much more complex than gun control—it’s that our culture is SICK, and until we get our heads straight and stop sensationalizing violence and being nasty aggressive bullies, and until we stop allowing our politicians and media to control us with terrorized fear, we don’t have a screaming chance in hell of getting better.

I digress: Since the guys who wrote the constitution meant that people had the right to carry muskets and big-old gunpowdery-takes-a-half-hour-to-load-one-bullet guns, to generally be used for such things like slaying dinner or killing an occasional rabid bear in one’s yard, lets stick with that. Guns can be legal—as long as they’re all guns from 1776.