The Voix laughs louder and better than just about anyone I know. At parties, she puts a tiara on her house plant, Millicent, and carries Millicent around the room so Millicent can meet everyone. Millicent has a French accent (all the inanimate objects in Voix's house have a French accent): "How do you do? My name is Millicent. I am a philodendron. Welcome to the party. Can I get you some Pinot Noir? Do you like my tiara?"
The Voix hosted a very fun girl's night last night. She has great scarves, lots of shiny things, a great collection of Prince music and when bad shit happens, she will get you drunk and dedicate songs to you on the radio. She cooks mashed potatoes in my bitchin' (bedroom/kichen), e-mails me photographs of my uvula and helps me pick out French wine and stinky cheese. She fears no church basement or Irish pub. She writes a shitload and isn't afraid to show the whole world that even though she's smart and productive and strong and has a gigantic heart, she's also sensitive and open and honest.
She also made the mistake of giving me a little notebook, which I use to collect some of her fine one-liners. I shall post a sampling of them here for you now, and I will keep them PG-13 so she doesn’t kill me:
“I bought a blender so I could make hummus. No, wait. I bought a food processor to make hummus. I bought a blender for the margaritas.”
“I’m addicted to kitchen appliances, but I can’t bake. Sifting flour? What is that? I refuse to jack off the flour.”
[In church basement.] “Where the hell are the catholic boys who don’t look like they tried to scrub their face off? Well, we’ll have to go to the next logical place. The Irish bar.”
“So then, when I bring a date home, I can just say, ‘Oh him? He’s just the gay boy that lives under my bed.’”
Perhaps one day I will collect enough of them to publish a book. Hm.
3 comments:
Oh my god, I had no idea that I was so cool!
Thank you, darling. You forgot my favorite one, though:
These people are fancy and sophisitcated and we are not. Instead we shall blog about them.
(or something like that. You're the one who wrote it down.)
*hugs* and a sloppy, greasy *mwah*
Voix.
P.S. Millicent saysBonjour!
I am so lucky to have you and all the super duper cool friends here. There is an amazing plethora of kick-ass people in this town.
Oh, oh, I got it. The one from the schwanky-ass bar: "Everyone here is so damn beautiful. We could never hope to be so beautiful. Instead, we shall blog about them."
I left off the "How big is your drill" one. You're welcome. ;)
*blush* I didn't say that!
You left off the one about the girls, too. Maybe that's best.
But I wouldn't want to censor you, darling. Write what you will!
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