So, I woke up at 5 a.m. after a nightmare that I arrived at my new job and instead of it being THIS job it was my OLD job, my WORST job, where everyone was 3 years old and I had to teach them the alphabet and make sure they didn't eat play dough and that they got to recess/lunch/the bathroom/gym class on time. And, like my old, worst job, I there were a million out of control brats, I had no assistance whatsoever, and they were all pooping their pants and screaming "Fuck you!" (Three years old. I do not make this up.) and I was trapped in miserable hell.
In reality, I got to work where the sweetest receptionist in the world took my coat and offered me coffee and then a smiley fellow named Bill took me on a tour and told me about his air force days. On my tour, I noticed that all of the machinery—printers, copiers, etc.—has a laminated photo from Office Space taped to it. Milton clutching his stapler. Ron Livingston kicking the shit out of a copier. Kind of funny.
On the tour, there were many introductions and more smiles and hi-in-the-halls and I got to stop by my friend Stef's cube and say hello and then I got taken out for a yummy lunch with my boss and 3 co-workers and we all ate till we were stuffed and I drank far too much caffeine which may be why I'm having problems dividing my thoughts into clear sentences.
My boss, she drinks LOTS of caffeine. She's loud and a little shrill but really nice, if a touch self-absorbed, and her cube opens up to my cube and she has a dorm fridge under her desk. The dorm fridge is full of Coke and girl scout cookies and Twizzlers. She drank 5 Cokes and ate an armload of Twizzlers throughout the day and I drank water, but I did buy a box of Samoas from her kid. We all must do our part.
Then, a big man also named Bill brought me my computer and I spent the afternoon editing surgical instruction manuals. I don't know a damn thing about surgery, but there you go. I am partially responsible for surgeons knowing where to drill screws into people's spines. I have already been nicknamed the Grammar Gestapo, which is kind of funny, as you may have noticed that my grammar isn't great, but it's WAY better than scientists'. People were bragging about my English degree, which has never happened, and they respect my intelligence (!) and I share a sweet, elf-like assistant who will make my copies and order stuff for me and do whatever I ask. That was all quite new to me.
When my boss left, I asked her what time she wanted me to come in tomorrow and she said "Eh, whenever. Before noon."
So far, I like it.
7 comments:
sounds like a sweet place. is bill's last name "lumbergh"? is your elf-life assistant cute? dress her up like an elf and take a picture (you said she'd do whatever you ask, after all).
hope all goes well. bee nice corekting there grammer mystaks.
xo
Yay! So happy for Cavu! (Happy but sick dance in chair.)
Cheers, Cool Babe.
Hey, Michele's sick. Join me in a round of point-and-laugh, won't you?
Hooray! Good thing you didn't have a case of the Mondays. Will you become a caffeine freak now?
*points and laughs at Michele, in nicest possible way*
*phhhhbbbbbbbt*
Michele blows snotty raspberries at Brian, who should really be much nicer to the person who loves him so.
Congrats on a great first day Cavu. I also write about such horrible things as spine surgery at my day job. I know nothing about implantable devices, yet, somehow I have gotten through more than two years of writing articles about them and they are read by highly techincal people and somehow, I have not yet been found out or fired. So you'll be ok.
I would also really love to see a photo of said elf-like assisant.
Congrats on a great first day! Any place that has pictures of Office Space all over their office HAS to be one cool place to work!
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